Using a toilet in South East Asia can be an interesting, confusing, and sometimes traumatic experience.

How do you actually use the squat loos?  Where do you put your feet? What is the bucket of water with a ladle in it used for? Do all Asians have really strong thighs and flexible knees to enable them to hold the squat pose for long periods of time? How do you squat down without getting your clothes wet, or God forbid, losing your balance or peeing on yourself? Often, there’s no toilet paper, but there’s a hand-held shower head. What is that used for?😳 The questions kept coming until I had a courageous conversation with a local, and now it makes sense…mostly.

My toilet experiences here in Malaysia, have only been positive, largely due to there being a choice of either European style toilets or squat loos (this is not the case in Indonesia), and because of the widespread use of hand-held bidets….I’ve worked out that’s what those hand-held hosey thingys are, and how they are intended to be used, and they’ve changed my life! I confess, I avoid the squat toilets if I can, and I’m going to extole the benefits of bidets. They are awesome!

I now believe that is the most hygienic way to clean yourself after you’ve done your business, whether it was number 1s or number 2s, is by using a hand-held bidet. In a hot climate such as Malaysia, the use of water to freshen up your nether regions makes total sense.

1. Do you need to wipe with toilet paper before using the hand-held bidet? No.  Do your business, turn on the tap, aiming the nozzle head  into the toilet, then depress the lever on the hand-piece. Sometimes, the water jet is quite strong (so guage the water pressure before squirting yourself, or it could be quite painful, or you could end up wetting the wall behind you….or soaking your back😆). The nozzle shouldn’t touch your body at all, as that could cause cross contamination.
2. Use some toilet paper to check for any reside (in the case of number 2s), then blot dry. Toilet paper then goes in the bin provided. It’s not usually flushed.
3. But what if there’s no toilet paper? Well, some wise person told me that’s what undies are for. I’m not convinced, so I generally have an emergency stash in my bag (or the attendant hands you a small amount at the door). The air tends to dry you quickly in this climate, too.
4. Voila! You bounce out of the loo feeling fresh and clean.

The benefits of using a hand-held bidet are that they prevent the spread germs from your hands, it’s an almost hands-free system, and we all know that water cleans more efficiently than wiping. Environmentally, you’re not using as much toilet paper or risking toilet blockages by flushing paper. Obviously, thorough hand-washing after using a bidet is still essential.

When using the ladies’ bathroom at the airport or in a shopping mall, there will usually be a picture on the door of each cubicle, indicating whether the stall contains a European upright toilet, or a squat toilet.

There is always a queue for the ladies’ loos, and I still suffer from anxiety if I’m at the front of the queue, and the next available stall contains a squatty potty. I graciously let the person behind me use that stall, and I can almost hear the eye-rolling from the locals.

I will most definitely be installing a hand-hand bidet when we next own a house. In the meantime, on the boat….